My Early Childhood Experiences with the Church

I would like to give y'all a countenance of what took place last night. It was very healing yet extremely powerful for me to do what I made myself to do. I was on a friends scope and they were playing the movie The Under Shepherd and it is about a black church where there were sexual sins and he was abusive to the women and the other different dynamics that went on.  I was sexually traumatized by my father and his deacons and elders and made to get two abortions by the time I was 14 years old.  I realized that sin is not a respector of persons and sin is sin. As I was watching the movie I had many different emotions from anger to rage to crying. I realized that I no longer have to use devices to escape from it. I faced it once in my life! ONLY God could have given me the courage to sit through it to the end. I have been carrying the guilt,shame and remorse myself for so long. I saw the arrogance and the ego from the movie. Anything run on ego is edging God out and God is good orderly direction for he is not the author of confusion and chaos.  I felt the guilt and shame and remorse starting to leave last night.  For I'm ONLY accountable for my own sins not the sins of others! It was the first time in my life where I didn't run from the dysfunctional dynamics that I was ingrained with. It took watching a movie that was very similar to  what I witnessed as a pastors daughter and furthermore experienced first hand to strip that guilt and shame away from me.  Today I have to say that last night I was delivered from carrying my father's and his deacons and elders guilt and shame!